Competency 6:  Listens Actively

This competency, Listens Actively, is encouraging us into actual action! As coaches, we listen to our clients using more than just our ears – what do we hear, see/observe, sense or feel? When we listen with our whole self, we can detect the subtle nuances in our client’s communication and notice when there is a dissonance between their words and their gestures. 

6.1: Coach’s questions and observations are customized by using what the coach has learned about who the client is or the client’s situation.

No two coaching conversations are the same and the degree of differentiation comes down to how closely we choose to listen. We can observe details about our client (the who), and their situation (the what), and take the conversation to a deeper level by sharing these observations. For example, a client’s situation may be that they stepped in and completed a project for a colleague who was experiencing some personal challenges. From this, we can observe who the client is: a kind, considerate and empathetic person to their colleague.
As coaches, we all love questions, so remember that our clients give us the words to use in our questions, when we listen very closely. To customise your questions for your client, incorporate their words in your questions or shared observations, so you are both using the same vocabulary for consistency and clarity throughout the conversation.

6.2: Coach inquires about or explores the words the client uses.

Often, the few notes I take during a session are the key words that a client has emphasised through repetition, pauses or their tone while speaking. Using the same words as your client, so they are correct and accurate, keeps you on the same page during the conversation.
To further explore with a client, ask: “What is the significance, or meaning of [that word]?” This will deepen their awareness and support them to make their own connections. Also watch out for any disconnect you notice when a client’s words don’t match their body language or movements. Share what you notice, then invite the client to comment or reflect.

6.3: Coach inquires about or explores the client’s emotions.

When clients feel a strong sense of trust and safety, they are more confident to share and explore their emotions. You are supporting your client to go deeper and to be more in the moment. A recent client of mine admitted to doing everything possible to distract herself from feeling anxious. I asked her what would happen if she just sat with this painful emotion. She replied that she did not know how to just ‘sit’ in that space, as her mind would take over, trying to analyse and problem solve her issues. Firstly, I asked her to slowly rub both hands together for her to experience a strong physical movement to focus on. Then, she closed her eyes as I guided her through a visualisation exercise. Sometimes, a client finds it difficult to sit still. Adding in some small, physical movement can enable them to focus on just observing their emotions. Some clients may find it helpful to imagine themselves in a calming place, like in a park, among colourful trees. Finding ways that work for each individual is extremely helpful for them.